Help! I've Chained Myself to Misery!

A New Year!

What now? A clean slate? A time to start fresh? Set goals? Mourn the past? Dread the future? What is the future?

I have to admit these are the questions I have been facing, especially at new years, but even every day. I often feel imprisoned by these questions, or even imprisoned by expectations, or even lack of expectation. I have been dreading and longing for the answer to my questions.

For the past year I have been so cautious to know exactly God's will. Every question that arose (should I go back to school? should I quit my job? should I get involved in this ministry?) I dreaded! I wanted to jump in with both feet, but I also didn't want to jump the gun. I wanted do it right and be patient and hear from God, but was He wanting me to take a step of faith? It was a game of back and forth, and with every change of thought time was and is ticking; adding a new fear.

I knew what I wanted, I knew what others around me wanted, I knew what was most logical, but how could I know for certain what God wanted?

I hadn't realized it until tonight, but with each tick of the clock I was more attached to the pendulum moving back and forth, and at first I didn't mind this, because it was good, I was waiting on the Lord. As time went on however, I wanted off! But I was bound! imprisoned to the ticking of time and the questions of my mind, the fear! I wanted to be free!

I still haven't found a direct answer, and I may not have found anything of importance to my/your life at all, but tonight as I was trying to find a verse Francis Chan often recites, I stumbled upon 2 Timothy 2:9:

"And because I preach this Good News, I am suffering and have been chained like a criminal. But the word of God cannot be chained." (NLT; My own emphasis of course)

I often read this verse, or verses like this. I always love to read how I am to suffer, it's inevitable....That dirty rotten satan! I love being able to blame lots of problems on "The Enemy" but tonight this verse has struck me very different. I may be taking it out of context, actually I truly believe I am because of all that I know about Paul the author of these words. But for tonight the only author of this verse was God! and I was to be His only audience. Literally like I was sitting at a table with God, and these are the words He would say.

Because tonight as I read this, I was more convicted than encouraged. I so often focus soooo much on the "preaching of the good news" or enduring the suffering, but when I examined myself I found that I had made my passion into my purpose. Kind of like someone who truly loves baseball, but if that was there job, they might start to dislike it, or get tired of it, their passion slowly fades but the purpose still remains.

I have been so wrapped up in God's call for my life, that I've made it my purpose, and my passion has fizzled away. That's where my fear came from, it came from esteeming myself so highly. Thinking my calling was soooo important to God that I COULD NOT make a wrong decision. definition of misery right? This hit me like a ton of bricks! You mean it's not "that dirty rotten satan" who has been making me suffer, I'm making me suffer? OUCH! I have to imagine God looking down at me, hearing my prayers, and SHOUTING His word at me, but did I hear? NO!

I may have let my purpose cause me to suffer, and imprison me to the ticking pendulum, But MY GOD HAS EVEN MADE A WAY OUT OF THIS BONEHEADED MISTAKE!

Because: "THE WORD OF GOD CAN NOT BE CHAINED!"

(Even as I typed those words I am shouting amen!)

It's that easy, His Word! His Word! His Word!

Oh I was in the word, I've been hitting The Book daily for guidance for my life. People often say that the Bible is our instruction manual....Don't you dare believe that! Because it is our very life blood, our oxygen! When we (and I mean when I) treat the Bible as an instruction manual that means we are EXPECTING detailed instruction. I'm sorry, but should we ever expect or demand anything of God? Who are we?

I was reminded what I heard at Passion2010, and I jumped straight to a passage I heard Chan mention about how we are to regard the Word! What I didn't know was how powerful the verse before Chan's verse was to my situation tonight. In regard to how we are to approach the word, before we can regard it!

Isaiah 66:1
"This is what the Lord says: Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool. Could you ever build me a temple as good as that? Could you build a dwelling place for me? My hands have made both heaven and earth, and they are mine. I, the Lord, have spoken!"

I can really see God trying to portray to us a glimpse of His Power, Majesty, and Glory! By reminding us of how BIG He is, it shows how truly small we are; and this makes me think: who are we to demand anything from a God so infinite!....but this passage gets even better!

Isaiah 66:2

"I will bless those who have HUMBLE and CONTRITE hearts, WHO TREMBLE AT MY WORD!"

Oh Lord! Forgive me! I have been proud! I have demanded and demanded instruction from Your word! I was almost literally wringing dry the pages of your word to find something that fit with what I wanted! You are God! Your dwelling place is the undefinable cosmos! Who am I to demand such instruction from You! God I have feared myself above You! and I pray You would forgive me! God help me to tremble at Your word! To be humble God! Like a drink offering poured out, I can not expect anything from You! And yet God Your promise is to bless those who are humble and You will provide Lord to those who are contrite in spirit. Help us, Oh Lord, to tremble at Your word. And to realize that first and foremost we are to be passionately in love with You, and then God the rest will follow. Thank You for the Blood of Jesus, that covers us and enables us access to Your Holy Throne. It's in the Name of the Father, The son, and The Holy Spirit that I pray. Amen!

So are you feeling bound? Constrained? Chained down? To: Bad relationships, others expectations, your own expectations, your doubts, your desires, your past regrets?.....The Word of God can NOT be BOUND! Soak yourself in the word! In God's word, not in an instruction manual, do not come demanding, but being grateful and trembling at the very words that were Breathed to life for you! Do not worry about the future or planning or being anxious or angry, just come to God in word, Through the Bible, and Prayer, and I know He will bless you for being humble and contrite, and you will no longer be bound because you are filled with the word that can not be bound!